And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
