I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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