his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
