for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
