Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
