No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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