You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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