i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
