What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
