dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize