I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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