Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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