So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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