yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
