i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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