Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize