Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
