to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm both gender and math confused
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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