it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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