I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
