If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Green mimosas i think yes
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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