OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
