I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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