I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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