I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
