U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
