this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
