I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I party with great urgency now.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize