you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
