why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
