i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
