Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
