Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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