You're completely useless in the revolution.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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