Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize