If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
