I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize