Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
