Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
