I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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