I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
