i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
