My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
