Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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