We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
