so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
