was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
