On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
