his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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