Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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