go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
