You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
