You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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