a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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