Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
