im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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