There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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