maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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