I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
