hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
