They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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