Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
