that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
soo... how was my night?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
