i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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