i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
