I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm always down for nudity.
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