i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He shit in the fireplace
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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