elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
