Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
