just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
