I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm always down for nudity.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
