you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
