i was born a porn star she said
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
