i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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