Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
