you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
