So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
