Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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