OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
