1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
