also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Cover your peen. We're going out.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
