I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
