You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
