It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize