K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize