I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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